Breathe…

I always start with “I haven’t put anything up in a while”. So let’s not start off like that.

It’s time to look at myself. Out loud. For all to see…

Okay, my life is a mess, again.

This always happens, I do alright, then fall. Then try to get back up and get beaten down. I need to seriously learn that I can’t do things myself. I really can’t. I can try but that’s where I fail and get beaten down.

Thing’s have happened lately that has made me look at myself and say I should be the one my friends go to because of my faith, not me joining in the moping. Me being the strong one. Not the weak.

Life is so hard. It turns my stomach sometimes. I wish it could just be even slightly easier. Just a little.

I drink and smoke it off, which makes me the weak one. Knowing that I have a higher power that will give me a better outcome.

I miss being so strong. I miss the confidence I had in my faith, the knowing that I’ll be alright no matter what happens. That during the hard times, I need not to worry.

Sometimes, I think I can never get back there. But then other times I see it possible. I cry with the idea of both. I cry thinking I will never be there again. I cry because I see it’s possibility and don’t want to give up the things that will help me get there.

I just cry alot.

Happy.

Sad.

Mad.

I cry.

I wish things would just be okay.

And easy.

But then again, there would be no struggles to bring us closer to where we need to be.

I need to just breathe.

Just breathe.

 

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